Hamilton County Prosecutors Shocked: SHOCKED: to Find Drugs at a Phish Show!
In a move that surprised absolutely no one with a pulse or a basic understanding of American music culture, the Hamilton County Prosecuting Attorney’s Office recently took to Facebook to express their profound “disappointment.”
Their crime? Discovering that people use drugs at a Phish show.
It’s like being shocked to find sand at the beach or overpriced beer at a stadium. But for the Hamilton County Prosecutor, this was an opportunity for a dramatic PR stunt. Following Phish’s three-night run at the Ruoff Music Center in Noblesville, the office issued a statement that reads more like a stern lecture from a 1950s principal than a serious legal update.
“Frankly, we are disappointed in the number of people who showed up to engage in illicit behavior,” they posted.
Frankly? We’re disappointed that taxpayer dollars are being wasted on Facebook grandstanding instead of addressing the real, violent crime that actually threatens the residents of Indiana.
The Ridiculousness of the “Surprise” Drug Bust
Let’s look at the numbers. Out of tens of thousands of concertgoers who flocked to Noblesville for a weekend of music and “good vibes,” the police managed to arrest five people. Five.
In a crowd of roughly 60,000 people over three nights, that is an arrest rate of approximately 0.008%. Yet, to read the Prosecutor’s post, you’d think they’d stumbled into a scene from Scarface. They listed off a “scary” inventory: mushrooms, acid, weed, MDMA, and nitrous oxide. They even threw in meth, heroin, and fentanyl for maximum shock value, claiming they found “significant quantities.”
While the Law Office of Mark Nicholson doesn’t condone illegal activity, we certainly don’t condone the overzealous prosecution of individuals for what amounts to concert souvenirs. The state wants to act like they are saving the world by busting a few fans with some mushrooms, while real criminals: the kind who actually hurt people: are laughing while the cops are busy playing security guard at a jam band show.
Wasting Taxpayer Dollars on Social Media PR
Why the Facebook post? Why the dramatic “we are disappointed” tone? Because it’s easy. It’s easy to target a specific subculture, make a few arrests, and then post about it on social media to look “tough on crime.”
But this isn’t real crime-fighting. This is a PR stunt paid for by you, the taxpayer. Every hour an officer spent undercover trying to buy a joint at Ruoff is an hour they weren’t investigating robberies, domestic violence, or murders. Hamilton County isn’t safer because five Phish fans are now facing major felony charges. In fact, by focusing so heavily on these victimless “crimes,” the Prosecutor’s Office is proving that their priorities are completely backwards.
When the Prosecutor’s Office responds to comments by saying, “The people who had to go to the hospital might disagree with you,” they are using the outliers to justify a blanket crackdown. It’s moral grandstanding, plain and simple.
